And the line-up to pat me on the back too starts here.
I had a really super-challenging situation yesterday and did not give in to drinking, though there was lots of wine available and I was soooooooooo tempted. SOOOOOO tempted.
WOW.
We had company for dinner Friday night. Wine was involved, but I didn’t have any (except Continue reading
Mike’s comment about social drinking really got me thinking. I replied to his comment but I wanted to expand on it a bit.
First of all, I have to say right off the bat that I no longer really experience social pressure to drink. It’s been many years since I’ve gone out drinking specifically to go for drinks with friends. We generally go for a meal or a coffee, but not just for a drink. My social circle generally doesn’t drink or doesn’t drink much. One of the hazards of middle age (okay, most of us are “seniors” now) — most of us have gotten less enchanted with partying than we used to be.
So when I say I went out to a pub only 2 days after I quit, I mean we went to a pub for a meal. (It’s the kind of pub that also happens to serve good food.) I suggested we try Continue reading
The title of this post says it all. Sure, I’ve had ups and downs, but overall I’m much much much better than I’ve been in years. Yes, it’s a challenge — sometimes a big challenge — and I still think about alcohol every day — it’s kind of become my project right now — but I’m not drinking and it feels good.
But.
An interesting thing has started happening. I’m finding myself substituting one addiction for another — TV, food, and work, mostly. I hear myself telling myself the same stories as I did about alcohol.
Watching TV seems to feed anxiety, which feeds craving … craving for something, but I don’t know what. I used to think it was wine, which it was and wasn’t. Wine was what I gave it, but really, it never satisfied the urge, and I wouldn’t have identified it as an urge to get pissy-faced. What it felt like — still feels like — is a hole, something missing, something ineffable that NOTHING will really satisfy.
What is it about TV that brings this on? Could it be that I’m feeling drawn in by the story, but the characters are over there and I’m over here and I can’t touch them, it’s just me being drawn in? Is that what it is? A one-way street, unrequited love?
And is there a time when don’t crave anything? Well, this may seem trite, but I think it’s about connection. When I meditate and get in touch with centre, I don’t get cravings. When I’m in company I’m totally comfortable with I don’t get cravings. When I feel totally supported in community I don’t get cravings … hmmm. So it’s more complicated than I thought. So I need to dig deeper and love more.
Driving my own bus 